Linda Safford

Marriage can be beautiful one day and extremely ugly the next. A couple is raw — bared open before each other where no blemish is covered. We try to patch and cover up for community and family. But both, in this union of one, see. We know the raw.

We stay together and work through even when we walk the same path over and over and never find the solution to the problem. When we have the same discussion and we listen to find no solution. We make amends without solution. And this is love…

We admit failure, fear, dread, longings, wishes, dreams, burdens, and disappointments. We forgive, for the same offense, over and over. We try to remember what grace and mercy look like in a relationship. It’s hard to see it when we’ve not shared it, experienced it together, given grace and mercy to one another. When bitterness, strife, and disrespect take center stage we pull apart. And this, still, is love…

How could that be love? It hurts. Yes, it hurts to the core. Loneliness is love? Where did we go? What happened to the love and intimacy of our first days? When we feel we are no longer attached and attracted physically, we are attached and attracted emotionally and spiritually. Yet this gets in the way. The emotion, our spirits, or own physical self gets in the way of our being physical. We work through, we dislike each other, we scream, yell, and fight to find the way back. We don’t give up. It looks ugly, feels ugly, is lonesome, and polarizing. And, yes again, this is love…

The path that never finds the solution, the way you continue to say goodnight, the decision to not walk out, knowing love is not roses, candy, and long walks on the beach. Things are not love. Actions are love. Movement that keeps you from giving up. Love is carrying a dream, a hope, a burden with someone. Admitting and forgiving for the numbered times of which you’ve lost track and more.

Love is raw, pure, ugly, hard, and beautiful. It is worth the work, the sorrow, the grief, the anger, the disappointment. We are worth the work of love.

Life is amazing and death sucks. That’s my initial thought on a comparison of the two. But it’s really not true. Death brings, in my faith belief, new life that is eternal with One who loves us and redeemed us. All things are new and perfect. For the ones left behind, to continue to live is a journey. So many thoughts and feelings on death, grief, and finding your way without the one you love. This morning a friend posted on Facebook a very mindful perspective for grasping life while another friend, last evening, posted a beautiful sunset. Both touched me and reminded me of the peace and zest for life I have when involving myself in nature, in the beauty of the earth and skies.

 

 

I live near the sparkling white beaches and emerald waters of the Gulf Coast of Florida.  Inland we have peaceful bayous.  After my father died, I was drawn to the bayou at sunset.  Not only did I feel close to him, remembering all the times he took me mullet fishing as a kid, but the sunsets and amazing artwork of God in the evening skies brought peace to my soul.  I sat there in silence and I did, as the picture suggests, contemplate how amazing life is, how amazing his life was, and all that my life continues to be.

Being alone with God, in nature, is the most fitting way I have found to worship Him.  I breathe in the salt air, or the air in the woods along my favorite creek, and feel my soul being energized.  God is with us and He is certainly with me in nature.  I am encouraged as anxiety and stress from life drifts away.

No matter where you are on this journey of life, take a minute and immerse yourself in the stillness of nature, the beauty of a sunset, the power of an evening storm, and contemplate how life is truly amazing.

Thanks to Lisa Yates and Stephanie Redmond for the use of their pictures for this post.

 

 

The root of love
is twined by truth
Warmed through
kind words
Fueled with passion
Nurtured in faithfulness

Love remains fresh
renewed with hearts
moving forward
wrapping the past
in the blanket of
forgiveness

We feel love
and we learn love
We choose the one
who chooses us
and love moves
fluidly through our days

Do not wane, love
keep us twined
everlasting
ever forgiving
forever nurtured
in respect and faithfulness

It’s the perfect storm. Rumbling thunder sounds of a Saturday night bowling alley with folks clad in ugly shoes and sliding balls down a bumpy lane. A pecan tree’s branches hang low with the weight of saturated leaves and limbs. Lightning flickers like a slow neon sign, old and barely working.  Just a glimmer now and then.  Festive party lights sway in the wind.

Before the rain came I went to breakfast with the local folks. Award winning writers
among them, not sure. You can be sure
they love good food. Large plates passed with eggs, grits, bacon, and biscuits as I enjoyed my own. I watched the sky grow almost as dark as the Community Coffee in my cup.

Fairhope, the quaint Eastern Shore town, is my muse today. I’m snuggled in a yellow and grey blanket on a buttery soft leather sofa. The TV is on but the volume is mute. Keeping up with the weather map. Storms on the coast can boil up and take over a morning but clear to skies filled with soft white clouds and sunshine for the afternoon.

Whether the rain continues or the sun brightens the day, I have a story to work on. Frank’s in the hospital, heart attack while in the arms of his lover. His best friend who is also his wife’s best friend tries to keep her from pulling the plug on his oxygen. The nurses are threatening her with security measures all the while giving her the go-ahead with their eyes. One speaks up, bold in her approach to healing, “Honey, let him live through this. You have more control over his agony at home.”

Need to go now and see if Frank makes it. Storm or clear skies?

Just finishing breakfast this morning and an alert from Walmart pops up on my phone. “NFL Playoffs are coming up! Buy a new TV!”

I had to laugh and recount the story of Super Bowl XII played on January 15, 1978. Daddy and I were taking care of ourselves. Mama was in Rhode Island with my sister and her newborn daughter. Exciting times with Mama’s first flight, my sister’s first baby and first grand baby in our family. But for Daddy and me, the excitement on January 15 was that our beloved Dallas Cowboys were returning to the Super Bowl. I don’t recall what we ate that day or what the weather was doing. But nearing time for the game to begin our RCA console TV gave up the ghost. It had given warning signs that the end was near but we had no idea it would flatline so quickly or on Super Bowl Sunday!

Daddy looked at me and I looked at Daddy and we both wondered what Mama would say. We knew what had to be done. We knew we might be in trouble with her when she returned from Rhode Island but The Cowboys were about to play The Broncos. We were not going to miss it!

We jumped in the Ford LTD, powered by 450 horses, and headed to Gayfers to buy a new TV. I’m not sure why Gayfers was the choice except it was a straight shot down the highway – Michigan Avenue to Brent Lane, to Bayou Boulevard. There, at the corner of Cordova Mall, stood our path to victory — the goal line — the TV department!

We watched the game and cheered the Cowboys on to a 27-10 lead over the Denver Broncos. The game was played in the Superdome in New Orleans.

I look back on that day and smile. Yes, Walmart, a new TV was required. Not because of NFL playoffs and your need to cash in on an event. But because it was football, the Super Bowl, Daddy, me, and the Cowboys.

Not sure if the Cowboys will make it this year. The best season they have had in a long time has been led by Dak Prescott. Here’s hoping they are in it once again. I’ll be watching and hoping Daddy can see the game from his great view in heaven.

Moral to the story? What do you think,  dear readers? Leave me a comment.

Parenting is not easy. When we come to the point where parenting is no longer required we may struggle in finding the right relationship with our young adults. I certainly don’t have all the answers but these seven things have been on my mind for a while.

Step One:

Recognize your age and their age. It is age. A number of years counted of your existence and theirs. Age does not give power. Age is, again, the number of years of existence.

Step Two:

Walk a mile in their shoes. Your young adults are fully capable of making decisions. They know their situation and its parameters. Remember when you faced a problem or decision and you had the full capability to solve it? You may have been as young as sixteen. Give them credit to do the same when they are in their 20s, 30s, and 40s.

Step Three:

Don’t say, “Oh but you don’t know my child!” Again, young adults should not be called children. While age is just the number of years one has existed, as a society, we group and label by numbers. My son or my daughter are great terms to show their relation to you.

Step Four:

“Back when I was your age”… here we go again. Do I need to write more? Yes, let me say leave the past in the past and live for today. Tomorrow? It will worry about itself. Jesus said this and a number of wise men and women have phrased the same thought in all major religions of the world. Live in the present and allow your young adult to do the same.

Step Five:

Look at your young adult for the person they have become and do not look to see who you hoped they would become. Respect their sphere of influence and their space. You may or may not be invited into this place. They are moving ahead in life just as you did. Or maybe they will move ahead as you did not and be in a different place. IT’S OK.

Step Six:

Give advice if you are asked. Temper the advice with love and understanding. It is perfectly acceptable for you to say, “You’ve got this. You don’t need my advice. I believe in you and your decisions.”

Step Seven:
Time now to focus on yourself and your life goals and let go of the last thread you hold to your young adult. Tie in to a new hobby, education, travel, or raise the remaining budding young adults in your home. Look to your success and be proud of the young adult in your life.

My “grandmother” name is LeeLee.  It actually began as the name my nephew called me while trying to say, Linda. When my daughter shared the exciting news of her pregnancy, the name LeeLee was agreed to be the perfect “granny” name for me.

Carsey is not quite a year old now and she can say Mama, Dada, Pawpaw, and A LeeLee.  We were not sure if this was her saying LeeLee or not.  Possibly just some words coming out as she babbles and plays.

Back in July when I had to say goodbye to Carsey in Texas, I sang Carole King’s song, You’ve Got a Friend.  But to make it special for Carsey and me, I changed the words to “you’ve got a LeeLee.”

Today we were traveling around Pensacola.  She was in her car seat while her Mama and I were singing with Carole but changing to my makeover words.  As we sang those words today, it hit us!  “You’ve got a LeeLee!”

A LeeLee!

She’s been saying what I sang to her in the “makeover” of the song since September.   Not sure if it will stick as time goes on but, for now, A LeeLee I am.  My heart is smiling.

Eddie Rabbit wrote and performed the song, I Love a Rainy Night.

I love a rainy night
I love a rainy night
I love to hear the thunder
Watch the lightning
When it lights up the sky
You know it makes me feel good

He also wrote another song, made famous by Elvis, Kentucky Rain.

Kentucky rain keeps pouring down
And up ahead’s another town that I’ll be walking through
With the rain in my shoes
Searching for you
In the cold Kentucky rain, whoa
In the cold Kentucky rain, oh
In the cold Kentucky rain

Kye Fleming and Dennis Morgan wrote a rain song for Ronnie Milsap, Smoky Mountain Rain.

Smoky Mountain rain keeps on falling
I’ll keep on calling her name.
Smoky Mountain rain, I’ll keep on searching
I can’t go on hurting this way.
She’s somewhere in the Smoky Mountain rain

Instead of penning my own words about the rain I’m hearing on my window and roof, these writers’ words are singing the tunes in my mind. I can think of different times hearing these songs while driving and singing along.

Can’t hear the rain now. The thunder and lightning have passed. I’m not searching for anyone, Elvis and Ronnie. Rain just makes me feel good, too, Eddie.

Today there is no declaration of a New Year’s resolution. 2016 was a spectacular year and I’m ready to continue on the course.  I will say I want to write more but I am pleased with the accomplishments of 2016.  A short story and a poem were published in a literary journal.  Deep inside I know I want more but I’m happy with my progress.

My “muse” is Turkey Creek in Niceville, Florida.  Simply have fallen in love with the beauty of its natural setting, the smell of the forest and creek, the sound of leaves rustling, water flowing, and the occasional swoop of the heron’s wings.  I’ve seen spring through winter and I’m ready to get back out there.  Life tosses in a few things that keep us from unchanging patterns. I fought at first but then welcomed the break.  I’ve been able to put a few things in perspective and can say, for the first time ever, I MISS EXERCISE!

My 2016 ended with family and 2017 continues with family.  My grandbaby’s first birthday and a wedding will highlight the first five months of the year.  Planning for the rehearsal dinner and falling more in love with our son’s fiancée who has been a daughter to me since I first met her.  She’s family and I feel the same way about the wonderful young man our daughter brought into our family.  A son added in 2010 and now a new daughter in 2017.

I can’t be sure of all that 2017 holds but I pray for good health for our parents, our siblings and their families, and our children’s families.  We have wonderful friends who grace our lives with love and compassion.  Neighbors who will be at our side at a moment’s notice.  These simple things are grand in our lives.

2017 will see more downsizing of “stuff” and the opportunity to bless others who are in need.  I’m satisfied with quality of relationships that can’t always be quantity.  Very satisfied.

Happy New Year and may you find your way, continue your way, or live in a mix of both.  We seek, we find, we endure, we stay the course, we achieve, we lose, we are satisfied.

Live life!